The Respect Fairy

The Respect Fairy

by Dusty Wallace

“Excuse me, ma'am. But this chicken is undercooked,” I said. “It's nearly raw in the middle.” I spread the meat apart with my fork and knife and showed her the pink center.

“I'm sorry, sir,” the waitress said. “I'll have the kitchen cook up a fresh serving on the double.”

That sounded reasonable to me. “That'll do fine,” I said. “No hurry.”

The Old Pine Diner wasn't what you'd call fancy eatin', but I didn't think fully cooked food was beyond expectation. In fact, I rather enjoyed simple diners. The service was almost always excellent and you could usually see right into the kitchen.

At the Old Pine, I could see my waitress approach the cook with my fried chicken thigh and calmly explain the situation. He took the plate from her and she went off to serve another customer. It was at this point he should have thrown the food in the trash and began cooking a new piece of chicken.

Long Overdue Writing Update

First, I sold a reprint to Memento Mori. I'm happy about this because the original publisher of the story closed shop a month after the book hit shelves. So maybe people will get a chance to read it now.

Also, The Overcast, which has featured prolific short story authors like Deborah Walker, Samuel Marzioli and the current SFWA President Cat Rambo, did a podcast of my story "Not Even A Whisper," originally published in Selfies From the End of the World.

And it's free to listen to right here. 

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (The Dusty Complains)

!!! SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS !!!

You loved The Force Awakens, right? Sure you did. Everyone did. It's made a gazillion dollars and shows no signs of stopping. It's washing that icky prequel Jar-Jar taste out of our collective mouths. It's giving us young feminine heroes sans slave bikinis to rally behind while still bowing the nostalgia strings of our cello hearts making J.J. Abrams look like the Yo-Yo Ma of space opera.

I understand. Really, I do. I took my eleven year old son to go help awaken the money force in IMAX 3D and it was nothing less than a spectacle. I loved the original trilogy like everyone else and The Force Awakens paid tribute in a way that fans dreamed about when they bought tickets for The Phantom Menace and had nightmares about when they left that movie.

It was entertaining as a standalone, also. The actors were solid. The story succeeded on the strength of a tested formula. The special effects were without equal.

But after the Star Wars intoxication had passed I had time to analyze a little deeper. I had time to pick apart things. Basically, I found things to bitch about. Bitching about them doesn't suddenly mean I don't like the movie. But I see no reason I should have to ignore these things either.

Kylo Ren is kind of a wuss. So is Finn, but I have a lot more problems with his character than just his uselessness in a fight. So let's stick with Ren for now. Here's a guy who's the son of Han Solo and Princess Leia. Both a couple of certified badasses. If that's not enough, he was identified as being strong with the force at a young age and received training from Luke Skywalker. Yet he's easily outwitted by some kids and eventually defeated by a child who has literally never held a lightsaber before. He couldn't even out-muscle her when they were leveraging for position. I understand she's a force prodigy, but he was able to toss her into a tree a few seconds earlier, then suddenly he's at her mercy. Even fucking Finn gets a wound on Kylo and he's got no force helping him out.

(Yes, I know Kylo is wounded from Chewie's blaster. It's no excuse. He's a wuss. Let's hope Supreme Leader Snoke fixes that.)

Tangentially, why do any of the Jedi or Sith fight with a lightsaber when they can sling people into walls or squeeze there brains telekinetically?

Now for the part that might be a bit controversial. Of course, there was already controversy when folks first found out there'd be black and female storm troopers. There's always idiots ready to spout nonsense at such announcements. I'm fine with black actors getting all the parts in Hollywood. Black Santa Claus? Bring it on. Idris Elba as James Bond? Might be the first Bond I watch in years. Remake of Passion of the Christ with a black Jesus? I say go for it. And don't leave the women out. You wanna make all female Ghostbusters? Sure, why not? Make an all female Magnificient Seven while you're at it.

But now that I've seen the movie. I don't think we should have had black and female Stormtroopers. Before I make my case, let me show you a couple of pictures.
 

Actual Fucking Nazis

 

Space Nazis (AKA Stormtroopers)

Does the First Order (and why the fuck can't they just be The Empire?) look like an inclusive group to you? If you're going to base an antagonist off the most historically racist government in the history of mankind, then it's a little self-defeating to have them be inclusive of other races and genders.

Besides, when did they stop being clones? (Don't answer that, angry nerds.) Which brings me to my next issue.

Finn is also a wuss. He wants to run away from everything. He wants to avoid conflict with the First Order at all costs. I understand that he was taken from home at a young age. The fact that he's a non-conformist despite his years of training and brainwashing is a pretty cool gimmick. But what about his attitude. Why is he trying to be sassy and funny? Why wouldn't he be stone cold serious all the time? He acts more like a guy who's been kidnapped last week, not as a child.

Let me offer a different version of Finn and Rey. Finn is indeed a pacifist. He doesn't want to kill, but he's underwent the brainwashing of the First Order. He's white, and the First Order has taught him to see other races as inferior. After making his escape to Jakku he meets Rey, a young black salvager who's in possession of BB-8. The girl proves her mettle time and time again, causing him to question everything he's been taught. He decides to join the resistance and use his superior Stormtrooper training and cold logic to help win the fight. Against the odds he and Rey become close, and Finn becomes a softer character over the course of the film.

That's my version. Maybe a little too deep for the kids buying Star Wars happy meals.

Another tangential question. If you are going to open up Stormtroopers to other races and genders, then why are there still only humans in the First Order? The resistance has all kinds of weird alien allies, including Ackbar and Nien Nunb. Why don't the bad guys ever have anyone like that? There are clearly some badass aliens in the Star Wars canon that would make for better soldiers than humans, so where are they?

Lastly, lets talk about Han Solo's death. Should it have been saved for the second or even third film? It's impossible to say without knowing what else is in store. It was a beautifully tragic moment but if the other two films lack anything comparable then it will be for naught. Plus, Han was really terrific in The Force Awakens. I'm not sure the new stars can carry scenes the way Harrison Ford does and I don't think Carrie Fisher is up to that challenge either these days. Even if she is, it doesn't look like she'll have that sort of role in this trilogy. That leaves only one hero who can save us. Help us Mark Hamill, you're our only hope.

New Stuff

Been a while since I updated anything so here we go.

Shaundra The Watcher finally came out in ARES Issue #2. Head to aresmagazine.com for that one.

I was recently accepted into "Selfies from the End of the World" from Jeremy and Dawn over at Mad Scientist Journal. It's a first-person account of a black southern farmer renting a room to a white northern scientist who things that the farm is ground zero for the apocalypse. 

I've also been accepted to Bete Noire since I last updated. This piece is a pulp crime about two laid-off rednecks in Franklin County Virginia who kidnap a mobster in hopes of stealing his moonshine money. It's pretty funny stuff and Bete Noire is a nice magazine.

Alternate Hilarities accepted my piece "Lenny's Dilemma" for the anthology "Hysterical Realms." It's a story about a genie whose lamp needs to be rubbed before it grants a wish. And by lamp I mean penis.

In poetry news, Star*Line accepted my poem "Formicidae Martis." It's about an ant from Mars who just doesn't have a fun time on its visit to Earth. 

There's a few submissions out that I have a good feeling about so hopefully I'll have a reason to update again soon.

Publishing News

My story, "Flight of the Lonely" just came out over at Acidic Fiction:
http://acidicfiction.com/2014/12/12/flight-of-the-lonely/  

It's about an elderly man with wings who lives in a retirement home. He's cranky and always has been. Always used his wings for selfish reasons. Until now.

I also had an existential poem published in Page & Spine:
http://www.pagespineficshowcase.com/211/post/2014/12/souls-home.html


And one in Scifaikuest's print edition:
http://store.albanlake.com/product/scifaikuest46/


In other news, ARES Magazine #2 should be in mailboxes in January. It contains my story "Shaundra the Watcher," about a teen girl with superpowers. Superpowers that seem sort of lame, at first.
http://www.aresmagazine.com/?p=789

ARES Magazine Issue #2

The second issue of ARES Magazine comes out soon and I have a story in it! I'm very excited about this. ARES is the biggest publication I've been accepted into as of yet. It pays pro rates but is not qualified by SFWA because it hasn't been around long enough. Plus, SFWA rules bumped up to 6cents a word and ARES is still at 5cents a word. Still, it's a healthy rate and was considered pro at the time I got the acceptance.

Here's a preview. If you click on the 'store' button you can pre-order a copy. ARES has two options: You can buy the print edition with an original board game, or the magazine alone. Later you can get an e-copy also I think. Obviously the board game edition is a little pricey if you're not a gamer but the zine-only is a good value. It's a 11x14 magazine that feels like a trade paperback it's so thick. The first issue was about 90 pages and probably would have been double that in a digest-sized zine.

Giving away two paperback copies of People Eating People.

All you have to do is enter the giveaway at Goodreads. While you're there add the book to your 'to-read' list. If you don't have a membership, you can easily create one with your facebook profile. Open to US and Canada only.

Starts on August 27th.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

People Eating People - A Cannibal Anthology

by Dusty Wallace

Giveaway ends September 04, 2014.
See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

People Eating People now in Paperback

The paperback edition of People Eating People is now available on CreateSpace for $6.99. It looks good and feels good to hold. Click the image above, or go to this link: https://www.createspace.com/4947600

In other news, the Kindle Edition of People Eating People will be on sale

the week of September 4th for only 99cents. That's practically nothing, folks, so mark you calendars for some money-saving cannibal goodness.

People Eating People Update

First: If you've sent me a submission and I haven't responded. QUERY NOW!

As it stands, we're gonna have a nice collection of stories that vary wildly in genre and tone. I'm only waiting for one piece that I solicited to be done.

As far as a launch date, I'm thinking probably mid to late September. I could launch earlier, but I was planning on sending the completed anthology out for review. Some places, like Publisher's Weekly, require you to submit your work one month before launch for them to review. And reviews are what we need to bring attention to the work, whether they be negative or positive. It's a cannibal anthology, expect negative reviews. Don't freak out about them. If you see one on a site, leave a thankful comment. You'd be surprised at how that affects reviewers.

I'm hoping to have a cover reveal in the next couple of weeks. I saw a couple of preliminary sketches that were very good but didn't really fit any of the stories. So the artist decided on a scene from Frank Larnerd's short story and is working on that now. He wanted to do something with steampunk and Frank's story provided that fodder.

A note on diversity: There's not much of it. I got about equal submission from male and females and acceptances went to more males. That's not because I'm partial to male work, it just happened to fall that way. I'm a first time anthologist who's not offering a lot reward for work, so my submission pool was smaller than most. It's hard to represent diversity from such a small pool.

I have no idea about the race or sexual orientation of my writers. If they'd like to tell me, fine. If not, that's fine too. I do know a couple of folks submitted from outside the US and had names that aren't frequently associated with caucasians. But of the 2 or 3 I got I really didn't think the work fit. I wished it had. International flavor would have been nice.

At first, I was leaning towards an ebook only release. Now I'm starting to change my mind. The book won't be a weighty volume and printing through Createspace should allow me to set a price under $10 quite easily. If that's possible, I'd like to do a paperback version. I think the art's gonna turn out great and art helps sell paperbacks more than ebooks (Actually I just made that up but it sounds true.)

One month left - People Eating People

You've got 30 days to finish your submissions. If you're close to finishing or can get it done shortly after deadline, shoot me an email before June 30th and I'll likely give you an extension.

Now for a few notes.

NO MORE RESTAURANTS, or diners, or live-in chefs or anything having to do with the culinary business. I've got a good restaurant story and don't want any more. Which, happens to be what I'm being sent constantly. Some of them have been pretty darn good, but this isn't a cannibal restaurant anthology. And it would be kind of boring if it turned into that.

THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX, I know I've said it before but it bears repeating. Remember, your story can't revolve around a mystery if the big reveal is cannibals. Why? Because it won't be a mystery if it's in a cannibal anthology. Also, I'd love to see some stories where the act of cannibalism isn't taboo. Give me a society, an alien race, a fantasy realm, where people eating people is just a way of life. Or maybe it has some cultural significance, or even a practical use. The cannibal doesn't have to be the bad guy, either. It's tempting to make the cannibal a villain, but maybe they're heroes.

I'm looking for something more akin to Soylent Green than Texas Chainsaw Massacre. That's the best way I can put it.

People Eating People updates and advice

Hello folks. The submissions started off slow but are coming in at a regular pace now. Not overwhelming, thankfully, but enough to keep me busy. So I'd like to offer some thoughts on what's been coming in so far. But first...

Accepted pieces as of May 18th:
Bouillon de Bebe by Michelle Knowlton
Supply and Demand by Robert Hart
*All Consuming by Edward Martin III
*His Great Power by Edward Martin III

Before anyone gets excited, Edward's stories only combine to about 2000 words. He'll be getting a single stake of royalties for the two stories.


The biggest problem with the submissions so far is simply the writing. The writing must be tight. Even the most flourishing prose isn't needlessly wordy. And proofread! I'm not a big stickler on this. But if it looks like you haven't taken the job seriously then it's hard for me to take the story seriously.

The twist ending: Don't use it here. At least if it includes cannibalism as the revelation. People who buy a Cannibal anthology are not going to be surprised by the cannibal twist ending.

Think outside the box. Maybe give me a world in which cannibalism isn't taboo. Maybe it's the norm. Give me aliens who eat each other to reproduce. Baby elves that eat their parents as infants. Give me urbanites who eat vegan rednecks. Surprise me.

Format is important. If you don't use something approximating Shunn format then I'll assume you're not taking this seriously.

Cover letters: What the hell is up with the huge cover letters? Some editors will simply reject you outright for crazy cover letters. Give me three previous writing credits and that's it. A short bio is okay. I know a lot of places ask for that so it doesn't bother me. But I've gotten cover letters that list 30+ publication credits. One guy actually wanted me to look up someone reading his work on YouTube. Didn't even provide a link, just told me to search for it. That's not happening.

Also, list your best credits, whatever they may be. If you don't think you've got credits an editor would recognize, then don't list any. Not listing credits is perfectly fine.

People Eating People - A Cannibal Anthology

Update #5 06/01  some more advice with a month left to go

Update #4 5/18 new blog post with acceptances and advice

Update #3 4/28 - Still lots of open space. Only 2,000 words of accepted work so far. Have had some strong submissions that just weren't a good fit and others that weren't so strong.

One thing I'm not looking for is the cannibal twist-ending. That's where a character is revealed to be a cannibal at the very end. This might work for some anthologies, but when the theme is 'cannibals' then no one will be surprised.

Update #2 4/24 - Some have been querying about reprints. Just go ahead an send them in with a note about where it was published.

Update 4/24 - Minimum word count 2,500 - Deadline 6/30/14


This will be a very small project. Many of the stories will be solicited from friends of mine, both IRL and online. That doesn't mean they aren't accomplished authors. So, there aren't many open spots.

This idea was born as a reaction to an editor's complaint about the volume of cannibal submissions he received through Apex's slush pile. With large markets, themes and tropes tend to come in waves. Apparently that wave includes cannibals right now. So some of his friends, and mine, started joking about starting a cannibal-themed anthology. Well, here we are.

What are we looking for? Cannibals, obviously. But we aren't looking for the same tired stories that feature inbred hillbillies capturing college spring-breakers and serving them up for lunch. You see it in film even more than fiction; The Hills Have Eyes, Dying Breed, Wrong Turn etc... Give us something fresh. Sexy cannibals. Philosophic cannibals. Lawyer cannibals. Quiltbag cannibals. Cannibal angels. Cannibal steampunk. Alt. History with cannibals. A cannibal family drama.

What we are not looking for. Rapey cannibals. Hillbilly cannibals. Racist cannibals. Tribal cannibals. There's always exceptions to the rules, but if you use any of these things it better be a damned good story.

Poetry - Query, you never know.

Word Limit: 2,500 - 15,000 - Query first if outside this range.

Format: Standard Manuscript Format http://www.shunn.net/format/story.html

Response Time: 2 weeks or less, depending on volume.

Pay: Even split of net profits between Editor, Authors, and Illustrator. Paid quarterly. Fewer authors = more money. So I'll be favoring longer stories, though won't rule out shorter ones depending on the quality and other factors.

Publisher: Self published in Kindle Format and possibly Createspace depending on interest.

Please send submissions to HardBoiledDimension@Gmail.com using "Submission" in the subject line. Use this address for queries as well.

Deadline: 6/30/14 - If you can't make the deadline, but have a work-in-progress, just send me an email and let me know. This page will stay updated. If it's not, feel free to query.

Editor: Dusty Wallace @CosmicDustMite

New Covers and Artwork

For sale now on is "Altered America" featuring "End of the Rainbow" by yours truly. It's an alternate history anthology but my story is set in modern America. It's fantasy with a noir-ish tone.

 

Tomorrow, April 7th, I have a piece of experimental fiction appearing on Mad Scientist Journals. Here's the artwork that will accompany it.

In the May edition of KZine I have a novelette titled "Witchcraft 2.0". Here's the cover for that.

Finally, here's the artwork for the Apokrupha anthology "Vignettes at the End of the World".  This will be out soon, but I'm not sure of an exact date. I have a VERY short story titled "Try, Try Again" in this one.

New Interview

I actually did an interview today as an author. It was in connection with a upcoming anthology I've contributed to. Details on the anthology and how you can pre-order are available with the interview. And there's plenty of details about me.
http://martiningham.blogspot.com/2014/03/author-interview-dusty-wallace.html

Recent Successes

Today I got an acceptance from "Vignettes at the End of the World" an upcoming anthology by Apokrupha. It's about a 250 word story that really is better described as a vignette. I'd give you a synopsis but it would probably be longer than the story. Technically, it's a pro-rate sale. But I only made 20 bucks so I can't go joining Codex or SFWA yet. If you're interested in this book keep an eye on Apokrupha.com.

Just after Christmas I got an acceptance from Mad Scientist Journals. Now this is a weird one. They usually publish stories written as diary entries from mad scientists, which is pretty darn cool I think. The story I submitted is actually written as a pamphlet for the Milky Way Zoo (which is also the title).  There's no characters, dialogue, or exposition, but once you get to the end of this one page pamphlet you get an idea of what's befallen our pale blue dot. I've been fooling around with experimental stuff and this is the first piece that's found success. This piece will appear at http://madscientistjournal.org/

The Big Adios announced that they are closing their site and reopening as a quarterly zine after February. I'll have one of the final pieces to appear in the original format. My story, "Grave Frontier" is about a frontier merchant who's conflicted over his sexuality. When a pioneering stranger comes to town that internal conflict becomes external and bullets fly. You can find that story on February 11th at TheBigAdios.com.

I also had a poem accepted this month called DNR that will appear on MysticNebula.com at some point. I haven't got a date yet. This is my second poem for that market. The first can be found HERE. I should note that the two poems are completely different. So if you don't enjoy one it doesn't mean you won't like the other.

Other anthologies on the horizon that I'll be appearing in include Altered America and Existence on Mars. Plus, in may I'll have a novelette in KZine. And a poem in next month's edition of Song of Eretz E-zine.

A Worthy Kickstarter

Michael Knost is a good ol' West Virginia boy (not far from me in Southwest Va) who also happens to be an accomplished writer. He's working on kickstarting Weird West anthology that will feature one of my favorite authors, Laird Barron, as well as Joe Lansdale. $10 gets you an ebook copy. Consider donating.

Long Title - Great Story

It's awards season and this story from Ken Schneyer deserves consideration. It's got my vote for any award it's eligible for, but my vote means nothing. It's from Clockwork Phoenix 4 and the editor has released it for free so that people with real votes can read it. What does that mean for you? Terrific free fiction. It's experimental and original and mind-blowing.

Enjoy

Selected Program Notes from the Retrospective Exhibition of Theresa Rosenberg Latimer

My favorite market resources.

I'll be working on blog roll in which both of these will be included, but for now I thought I'd just post them here.

First is "My Little Corner" at http://sandraseamans.blogspot.com/ . Sandra lists new markets and reopened markets before I see them anywhere else. She does her homework on them too and often puts them in perspective. And sometimes she posts writers-beware warnings when I market is up to something shady.

I also like that she doesn't stick to one genre. She focuses on crime, but you'll find plenty of horror, sci-fi, humor, and even romance markets posted. And she updates often.


The other one I recommend is The Horror Tree at http://horrortree.com/. Obviously you're going to find horror markets there but you'll also see sci-fi and dark fantasy posts. Anything that horror can be threaded into really. They also offer some encouraging series to motivate the young writer. The best part of their system is the calendar where you can see deadlines for upcoming periodicals and anthologies.

As this site grows I'll have a list of more resources and writer's blogs in the sidebar. 

Welcome, enjoy an original story.

I've had a movie blog for a long time, but lately my creative life has been all about fiction and poetry. So it's time to start a blog that reflects that. You'll find updates about my writing and occasional rants here.

And since this is a first post lets start off with an original story. It's more of a vignette really and that's why it's unlikely to have sold anywhere. It's not character driven and there's no exposition. So I guess you could call it experimental flash fiction. I just hope it's entertaining. Enjoy.

Dystopia 911
by Dusty Wallace

“Thank you for dialing city services. Please state your reason for calling.“ 

“Operator, I’m stuck in the theater and it’s on fire!”

“Did you ask, ‘How far is the theater?’ If so, press one now. If not, press two.”

She presses two.

“Thank you for dialing city services. Please state your reason for calling.“

“I’m at the movie theater on Walnut. It’s on fire! Please send help!”

“Are you looking for help with showtimes for “It’s On Fire”? If so, press one. If not, press two.”

She presses two.

“Thank you for dialing city services. Please state your reason for calling.“

“Swanville Theater Seven at 2320 Walnut Avenue is on fire. It’s spreading quickly.”

“We’re sorry. We didn’t not understand the statement. Please speak slowly and clearly.”

“Send a fire truck to 2320 Walnut Avenue or we’ll all die.”

“Transferring. Please hold.”

Soft jazz plays in the background.

“Diecast Towing. Can I help you?”

“I’m in the theater on Walnut and it’s on fire!”

“Why didn’t you call city services?”

“I did. They transferred me to you.”

“Oh, hang up and call them back.”

She hangs up, dials city services.

“Thank you for dialing city services. Please state your reason for calling.“

“I need a fire truck not a tow truck.”

“If your fire truck is experiencing mechanical difficulties, please press one. If not, press two.”

She presses two.

“Thank you for dialing city services. Please state your reason for calling.“

“My tow truck is on fire.”

“We’re sorry to hear that. Where are you located?”

“2320 Walnut Avenue.”

“Are you in need of medical assistance.”

“Yes!”

“Please repeat your answer without shouting.”

“Yes, I’m in need of medical assistance.”

“Emergency services will be arriving shortly. Press two if you need anything else.”

Silence.

“Press two if you need anything else.”

Silence.

“Prank calls are punishable by up to five-hundred dollars in fines or six months in jail.”

Silence.

“Press two if you need anything else.”

She presses two.

“Thank you for dialing city services. Please state your reason for calling.“

“Thssut uhh aggghh.”

“Did you say, ‘That is all.’? If so, press two.”

She presses two.

###